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And confidence also subconsciously tells your ex that you do not get easily rattled and are unphased by most things, presenting them with an irresistible challenge of trying to get through to you and penetrate that new confident barrier you’ve created for yourself. The foundation of any effort to get your ex boyfriend back starts and ends with the no contact rule – which means you probably shouldn’t be texting with him in the first place. Your must keep certain strategic … Therefore, it is always better to wait longer and be safe than sorry to achieve this than be overzealous and over-shooting the ongoing attempt to get back with your ex. After all, you applied the no contact rule because you believed it would really help you and your ex-girlfriend. She then realizes that he’s just not man enough for her, so she closes herself off from him and focuses on fully getting over him and moving on. We are not reverting to the old ways of communicating that existed between you prior to the break-up. It’s like I don’t even matter to him that much. I thought it was possible for us to work things out, but I see now that he’s not the man for me.”. Give me a shout if you want to know what to do after the no contact rule ! Another possible reason why your ex didn’t respond to you when you broke No Contact is… 2. Not knowing what your ex is thinking, feeling and doing - and whether he is thinking of YOU. Intimacy Booster Texts. Then, rather than giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming that he is feeling relaxed, confident and self-assured when he sent her a text to ask her to meet up, she might just continue thinking about him based on how she felt when him and her broke up (i.e. Below you’ll find the four step process for contacting your ex after no contact. It also lets your ex know that you value their time and space by giving them as much in order for them to digest your words and respond on their own time without the pressure of immediately having to as is expected in the electronic age. Things don’t necessarily have to happen immediately. "Borderline" Provocations Part II: How Not to Respond ... After all, they are just too stupid to figure these things out for themselves. Examples of this would be incessantly looking through their pictures on Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat, keeping tabs on your ex’s social media activity, keeping tabs on your ex’s real life by investigating their social media pages, etc., etc. Yet, what often happens is that the guy gets so caught up in a back and forth conversation with his ex, that he eventually texts her something along the lines of, “Hey, why don’t we get together sometime?”. If you don’t, she will most likely get bored with texting you back and forth and she will then focus on moving on. If you are, then watch this free video by Dan to discover the secret to getting her back FAST. So, if you don’t want that to happen to you, you need to make sure that when you respond to your ex after No Contact, you don’t make any of the following mistakes: If a woman breaks No Contact by texting her ex, it’s only natural that he will respond back to her in the same way. I messed up and sent her a desperation text after about a month and a half of no contact. First off, congratulations my friend! So, focus on making her feel respect and attraction for the new you, rather than reminding her of the old you and the ex back process will become so much smoother and easier. Adopting a Positive Mindset. Instead, focus on re-sparking her sexual and romantic feelings for you on a phone call or in person. This is also about you. It's your dumper's turn to break the no contact rule and text you on his or her own terms. You ponder how best to do this and decide to leave it for a few days. Again, there is no right or wrong answer to this and the answer will vary from relationship to relationship. When she begins to associate you with more positive emotions (e.g. This technique consists of cutting contact with an ex for a period of time (generally between three weeks and three months). It's only available here. Instead, it’s about not being overly available to her every time she texts you. Contact Your Ex. Wait for your ex to text you when he or she is ready instead and your chances of reconciliation are going to be at its highest. That’s it? But the rule has just as many beneficial effects on you, the person who is implementing it. Why should your ex know about how you’re doing and what you’re up to when they made the decision to remove you from their lives? Here’s how you should do it if you want her back: It has been said that laughter is the best medicine. She may then stop responding to him when he does contact her, leaving him feeling confused and wondering what he did wrong. No Contact Rule Contact With Your Ex Boyfriend After Break Up. If you just text her, it’s so much easier for misunderstandings to happens. All she has to do is wish him good luck and say she’s going to move on too and he will usually start chasing after her. So, if you want to get your ex back, it’s very important that you maintain your confidence with her. But that’s not to say you can’t avoid most mistake people make after no contact. The most frightening thing about doing No Contact is not knowing. The most important aspect of the “No Contact” rule is probably that it gives your ex an opportunity to miss you. Unless you say something that offends your ex or pushes him or her away, your response won’t make your ex lose respect for you. It doesn’t matter the type of person or the type of relationship. You sit on your stool, get a drink of water, catch your breath, repair any damage your opponent may have done, and  have your trainer analyze your performance and accordingly adjust the game plan for you [insert link to coaching page], if necessary. I hope while you’ve been out of contact you’ve also been tending to the other aspects of the No Contact method: practising self-care and … Please complete this quick form to gain instant access. Wait for a Response. It is okay to let them know you are not interested in … They should feel like you are enjoying life and don’t have hard feelings towards them. What have I done? Generally, what we recommend is, if they don’t write back, it’s okay to contact them again about a week later. I think that the most important thing you can focus on if you’re having thoughts about you and your ex again after a call, is that it didn’t mean anything. However, if you mess her around, you will probably be the one who loses out in the end. The excuse given by her ex was that his parents wanted to go on holiday and asked her whether she was interested. He’s just too serious all of a sudden. Most guys will never discover this secret and as a result, they miss out on getting their ex woman back. Then, rather than saying, “Okay, sure. Even in cases where a woman does still have feelings for her ex and has missed him, she usually won’t say that she’s changed her mind right away, because she won’t want to come across as being too easy. Across the Bow Texts. I need to take action right away to get him back, before I lose him to another woman.”. Any ex who comes into your life asking for forgiveness may bring up feelings you may have not fully addressed after the breakup. So, the right way to do it is to write text messages in a way that can allow your ex to respond if your ex wants to. This rule is pointless if you are doing everything other than explicitly reaching out to your ex, to keep them top-of-mind. It prevents us from continuing making mistakes or making any in the first place. “But Coach, you JUST SAID it’s not how long you wait!” I did say that, but I also need to remind you that you need to be proactive and not just twiddle your thumbs or wait for your ex to come back to you after you regroup. So many things to do and so little time. The inevitable follow-up question after being asked “how long should I wait?” is how to initiate contact with your ex after no contact. As a result, he puts way too much effort in his messages and comes across as being too tense, emotional, formal or like he’s just sitting around waiting to hear from her. If one of you dumped the other, healing from the breakup is even more difficult. Right, so let’s say you’ve gotten 21 days through the No Contact Rule and on Day 22 you ex reaches out to you, begging to talk to you. Maybe I should talk to him on the phone or in person to see how I feel.”, She then becomes more open to the idea of talking to you on the phone and seeing you in person, giving you the opportunity to properly re-attract her, by allowing her to experience the new and improved man that you’ve become and get her back, Another example of how to respond to an ex after no contact is…. Question: My girlfriend of 2yrs decided 5 weeks ago that she wanted “a break” with no contact. Don’t be afraid to call your ex on the phone, so you can then begin to re-attract her and make her want you back. Sometimes a guy might try to make his ex want him, by bragging to her about how great his life has been since they split up. Although in some cases using No Contact on a woman makes her miss her ex and she may then reach out to him to say “Hello” and to find out why he’s been ignoring her, it doesn’t guarantee that she will get back with him. If your ex can feel that they have broken through your detachment, and that you value their validation at least a little, but at the same time aren’t dependent on it, their “reconquest” of you will taste that much sweeter. For example: If his ex asks, “So, how have you been?” he might respond with something like, “Having a wonderful time these days. She doesn’t seem very interested in something he says and instead of turning it around by making her laugh and smile, he overreacts by trying to be super funny, giggly or cute to hopefully get a reaction out of her. Question: After 4 months of no contact, my ex-girlfriend texted me to see how I am doing. Instead, meet up with her in person and let her see for herself that you’re a confident, emotionally independent man now, but that you still care about her and want her back. So whatever you do, don't follow the 30, 45, or 60-day no contact rule because it's a hoax. It didn’t mean anything. While you should definitely respond to your ex when he contacts you during no contact, you should be careful. He asked how I was & asked for some advice about his mums friend he needed some hospital advice ( we had the same condition ) I was polite and gave him some information. So, after I recap what the no contact rule is and why we do it, we’ll get to the good stuff. The truth is, if you really want to get him back, you should follow the steps outlined here.. Examples of how to respond to an ex. Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that just because a woman is texting him and possibly even being nice and sweet towards him, it doesn’t mean she isn’t busy moving on and hooking up with and dating other guys. Each and every one of us is wired differently. The answer to that depends on what you do during and after no contact. Another mistake people make after no contact rule is letting too much time to pass by. No contact after a breakup is for the person who was dumped and their personal development just as much as it is to get their ex back. In some cases a guy will use No Contact as a way of making his ex miss him and come running back. So, I dropped her a text asking her to let me know of a convenient time so that I can talk to her briefly. Then, if some other guy comes along and makes her feel attracted, she will hook up with him instead. Yet, in most cases, when a guy is bragging about how wonderful his life is without his ex, it’s usually because the opposite is true and in reality he’s actually feeling depressed and miserable without her. Asking her for a meet up via text. There isn’t anything particularly or inherently wrong with these methods as long as their limitations are recognized and strengths used accordingly. He seems so different now. During the No Contact Period, you should avoid initiating any sort of contact with … in a negative way). A couple of weeks before the breakup she said she felt she was losing the attraction and after talking to her, she agreed it was no reason to breakup. You should always be on your best behavior when you’re trying to impress a person who isn’t impressed by you. When You Should Not Use The No Contact Rule First of all, let me encourage you to trust no contact. © 2021 Elite Communication Coaching, LLC. When a guy dumps you, you lose your power in the relationship. This applies as equally to relationships and people as it does to material things. As a result, she becomes defensive and closes herself off from him. However, even though a woman might feel comfortable initiating contact with her ex via text, for her to want to see him again in person, she will usually to see some proof that he’s at least changed and improved some of the things that turned her off before. Assume that you have completed 30 days of no contact and decide to reach out to your former partner. I know that I stuffed up but I really have changed and I want to work things out between us. Well, you have to restart your No Contact Rule over from the get go. What do you do? Sometimes a guy will be so happy to be interacting with his ex after No Contact, that he will spend weeks and maybe even months texting back and forth with her. The first thing of what to do when your ex calls you after no contact is you need to ignore it. No Contact Period. 3. No Contact Success: Gia (2 months) It was June 2015, and I sat on the beach with her. No Contact really works to get your ex back, but maintaining NC is no easy feat. I tend to grasp material much better when it is structured. Before I go any further, I want to briefly go over what the no contact rule is exactly. Now, you can make a plan to get your ex back after no contact. If she doesn’t respond to … Anyway, let’s get back to the concrete talk on how to respond and act when an ex girlfriend contacts you again. This, more often than not, affects us mentally and prevents us from thinking straight. Best Of The Relationship Texts. However, I do not recommend texting if you don’t have a gameplan for what to say to your ex after no contact. A lot of people feel that no contact is a rule that … Remember – if you get caught up in emotional responses and break the no contact rule, you will have to start the 30 day no contact period all over again. My Ex Wants Me Back Now That I’ve Moved On Without Her, 4 Examples of How to Stop Romanticizing Your Ex. A letter is an amazing way to reconnect because of the surprise element inherent in it. It gives you some breathing room and allows you to recollect yourself after an emotionally tumultuous event such as a break-up. By Rachel Shatto. You’ve got to be able to put things into perspective and put yourself in your ex’s shoes. Then, when you apologize to her and talk about the relationship, it won’t seem out of place and like you’re pushing her into something she doesn’t want. It takes a lot of hard work and self-discipline to get this far. Every single word your ex utters after the no contact period you should consider a test. So, if you don’t want that to happen to you, you need to make sure that when you respond to your ex after No Contact, you don’t make any of the following mistakes: 1. When a woman opens herself up to her ex again, she’s basically giving him a chance to show her that he’s really changed and improved and become a better man than he was before they broke up. People think that if they simply listen to their exes’ complaints at their word, and fix them, that everything will be fine. It allows us to come back with a plan and make sure we are in the proper mindset, free of emotional dependency, unfearful of rejection, and devoid of any need for validation from our ex. Suddenly, when she responds to him she sounds offish and in some cases, she may even take longer and longer to reply until she finally stops texting him altogether. OK, so now at least you should have some idea of how to respond if your ex texts you out of the blue. "If you plan on reconnecting with your ex, set clear boundaries on what you hope to achieve from rebuilding a friendship or relationship," said Marline Francois-Madden, LCSW and CEO of Hearts Empowerment Counseling Center. The goal of this … I can’t believe I let a catch like him go. It wouldn’t be called what it is if you weren’t planning on getting back with your ex, or else it would be called “Moving on with your life!” Re-establishing communication with your ex is implied, and it is one of, if not, the most integral part of reconciling with your ex. 5. Texting is also good in this context in order to get a quick feel for where your ex currently stands, while at the same time, providing you with an exit to avoid drama. You may be updating your social media profiles consistently enough for your ex to see your updates of the new and improved you from time to time. She is annoyed that you didn’t try to get her back the normal way The normal way is to call her, meet up with her, re-attract her and reconcile. This will actually pique her interest and make her eager to get your reply. So, what often happens is that the woman hasn’t heard from her ex for a while, so she sends him a feeler text to see why he’s not talking to her. “No Contact” gives us space to calm down, decompress, thoroughly analyze the current state of affairs, and look at it with a clear head. So, if you truly want to get your ex back and have a happy, loving relationship with her, don’t waste time playing games. During the conversation with your ex, casually bring up something funny or a … On that note, I emphasize again that the most important factor that determines how successfully you implement the no contact rule is not the length of time the strategy is implemented for, but rather, the quality of the work you invest in order for you to come out a better you. So you’ve made it through the 30 days of “No Contact”. The key to how to get your ex back after no contact is not about how long you wait, but what you do during the no contact period. This time, however, you’ll be able to implement parameters that promote respect. Us this "No contact" time to make yourself a happy and confident person. Some view life with … Sometimes, an ex just reaches out because he is lonely, wants sex or just misses the comfort of being with you. There is just something about the thought that a person took the time and effort to transcribe their feelings on paper by hand, make sure it looks neat and clean, with no scribbles or scratch marks, to then fold it, seal it, pay for postage, stamp it, and walk to the mailbox to send it off that lets the other feel that they care. Hi my ex and i broke up or decided to take a break 2 and a half weeks ago after he told me out of nowhere that he doesn’t see a future and our expectations are mismatched. But it also has indirect implications. When you are recentered after a break-up and after implementing the no contact rule, you will have regained your sense of value and worth. While you should definitely respond to your ex when he contacts you during no contact, you should be careful. The first text after the no contact rule is not for you to text. Respond To Your Ex’s Text If You Deem It To Be An Emergency or Critical Information. Study this image for “big picture” clues of the work ahead: Illustration of the steps to build the connection with your ex. All rights reserved. She then cuts him out of her life completely (e.g. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Contact Us. Therefore, the length of time it takes until you disengage the “no contact rule” will vary from situation to situation. So, the right way to do it is to write text messages in a way that can allow your ex to respond if your ex wants to. Before I give you the exact Seed Letter to use to capture his interest, let’s see if you are emotionally ready first. Whatever the case, there are many reasons why he may reach out to you that are not because he still loves you. . I just want you to know that I’m really sorry about everything that happened between us. After all, the no contact rule is supposed to help reunite a happy couple. ***True love allows each person to follow his or her own path, aware that doing so can never drive them apart. 5 Types Of Texts That Work Really Well After No Contact. Sometimes, an ex just reaches out because he is lonely, wants sex or just misses the comfort of being with you. Don’t make it obvious to your ex that you are starting over with them after no contact. Well I've never used Linkedin so I don't really know too much about it. Just to give you an idea of how well no-contact works, I’ll share a couple of my own stories in how I’ve used no-contact to get back together with former ex-girlfriends. Then, getting her back becomes a lot more difficult because she’s closed off. All Rights Reserved. After all, there is no reason to answer his call because you are already breaking up. By necessity, if you want your ex back, you must try something new in order to create something better than before. Moreover, if you answer that call, it would let you reminiscing about your good old day with them which is … You want to keep perspective and focus. No contact takes the unhealthy situation with your ex and replaces it with one that you control. Maybe you used the No Contact Rule and after a time, your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend reached out to you. So, don’t brag about your life to your ex via text, even if you are really having a great time. After a couple splits, both parties are emotionally tense. It can’t when you act like a respectable human being. Anyway, let’s get back to the concrete talk on how to respond and act when an ex girlfriend contacts you again. Yes, I want free tips via email from Dan Bacon. It’s important to maintain composure and to continue projecting the version of yourself you’ve been working on during No Contact: that of a desirable, busy, and happy individual who is living a good life. Instead, put all that behind you and focus instead on rebuilding her feelings of respect and attraction for the man that you are now. When we first break up this is a very common question that most girls ask: “When should I contact my ex boyfriend?” There is so much advice out there on when to do it and a lot of them get it wrong because they either tell you to … Asking her for a meet up via text. You are focusing to much on your ex. no contact. I think I’m better off just forgetting all about him and moving on with my life.”. So, I decided that I was going to break this process down into four steps for you. I actually don’t even blame them for getting upset either. 1 – What A Bi&*h. When I wrote Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO a few years ago and I told people that using a no contact rule on an ex might make an ex think negative thoughts about them they always seem to get upset and think the strategy doesn’t work.. Think about it: who expects to receive “letters” or anything that isn’t a coupon booklet, a bill, or a notice, in the mail in this day and age? takes really long to respond to her text messages, doesn’t call her on the phone, pretends to be busy if she suggests a catch up). And this, believe it or not, doesn’t change in any stage of romantic relationships, whether you two just started dating, have been in a long-term relationship, are broken up, or learning how to talk to an ex again. She may then begin wondering what you’re up to and imagine that you might be hanging out with friends, a new girl or doing something so interesting that you don’t have time to reply to her. She did not pick up. I’m not putting up with his childish behavior. So, if your intention is to get your ex back, you’ve got to do what works. Is Giving a Gift To Your Ex Ever a Really Good Idea? If you go to No Contact, and your ex stops contacting you, then it's possible the situation won't be resolved so easily and you might have to move on. Keep the message open-ended, so as … But if you knew more about how men react to the No Contact Rule, then maybe, just maybe, you'd be able to stick to it, and follow it through. Essential #3 Make the first Move After No Contact. So, if you want to get back into a relationship with your ex, you can’t stick to texting and expect that to happen. This one’s a big one, guys… but it’s a LOT easier than you think it is. she blocks his number on her phone, unfriends him on social media) and focuses on quickly getting over him and moving on. And if you're not okay with all of the many ways your ex may respond, it's best not to initiate communication,” Davis says. The trick, though, when your ex contacts you, is how do you respond? My Ex Contacted Me How Do I Respond? Consequently, this makes all relationships different and unique in their own way, regardless of how similar they may seem to one another. I told her I was glad to hear everything was going well with her, but she never replied. It didn’t mean anything. As I will explain going forward, your best bet, by far, is still to remain in no contact and that means not reaching out to your ex by text, phone call, social message, smoke signals, letter, or any other form of communication at all if it can be helped (and it can).. No contact means . We do, of course, get some pushback when we recommend writing a letter (as is expected). Get your ex back after no contact by making incremental RIGHT moves. Conversations held via texting can easily be de-escalated and diffused, if need be, by simply putting your phone down and walking away. If you find yourself lost regarding what to do after the no contact rule reach out to us and book a 1-on-1 coaching session. Why? Ok so she said hi and you asked who this is. This is not about being a jerk and treating your ex badly (e.g. She knows that her ex could be saying one thing and feeling another, so in most cases, a woman will naturally be suspicious of anything her ex texts her. I am about to put one of the most asked questions on this site to rest today. “No Contact” is the equivalent of going back to your corner after the bell rings at the end of the round. And if they are engaging in this game of telephone with your relationship, who’s to say the message won’t be bungled in transit on its way to your ex. Texting after no contact can be a good way to informally reconnect in certain situations, especially in short term relationships, where, chances are, there hasn’t been enough time or significantly meaningful events to warrant a handwritten letter or lengthy, thought-out e-mail. If you don’t, you may be shocked when one day she sends you a message saying something like, “Hey, I’ve got some great news I want to share with you. I think that the most important thing you can focus on if you’re having thoughts about you and your ex again after a call, is that it didn’t mean anything. It’s because people need meaning behind the most important things in their life. However, that approach almost always backfires and he completely misses out on the opportunity to meet up with her, reactivate her feelings and get her back. However, that doesn’t mean she has feelings for him and wants him back. I'm blaming Venus in retrograde. Life is so good since we broke up.”, Essentially, he’s hoping that she will feel a bit jealous and start thinking things like, “Oh no! I know it is really hard to escape the temptation to end the no contact period and respond to her texts especially when your ex-girlfriend is constantly reaching out to you. When she can hear the confidence in your voice (especially if she’s being offish towards you), her walls will come down and she will want to meet up with you in person to see the new you for herself. The trauma and changes that occurred after the breakup took up a lot of time from the important reflection step in which you look at the relationship, pray, and try to see what went wrong and why. He’s moving on without me! Nooooooo darling no respond !! We've already helped 1,000s of guys to quickly and easily achieve what they want with women and we'd love to help you too. Why? I wouldn’t be good at my job if I didn’t warn you that there is going to be an adjustment period or learning curve after you figure out what to do after the no contact rule. It’s been a month since I messed up sending that text and got no response from her. Quite often, a guy will end up turning his ex off after using No Contact to get her back, by failing her confidence tests. There is nothing worse than thinking you’re emotionally ready for contact, and then losing it once you actually get a call from your ex boyfriend or worse when he shows up at your door. Some say, “Why wait for and count on the post office to deliver a letter to my ex when I can use texting, email, skype, facebook, whatsapp, instagram, etc., etc., etc. No. What is wrong with him? But, again, we talk about that in the program. As this is the first contact after you have successfully followed “No Contact Rule“, your ex will definitely be wondering your purpose of texting your ex without a doubt. If you choose to respond, again as with any breadcrumb, be polite and short. Mild panic ensues. If you go to No Contact and your ex misses you, your ex will reach out to you. And if that weren’t enough, you’re actively trying to create a new dynamic for interaction between yourself and your ex. He then responds with something along the lines of, “It’s so good to hear from you! Should not use the no contact '' time to reflect and to truly work on yourself is why who... No reason to justify their decision for the breakup with women overly available to her it! Rule, message him and come running back Without her, 4 Examples of similar! You actually don ’ t count the days during or after no contact rule is not about being a and. Always encourage our clients to how to respond to ex after no contact is a rule that … you Win your power back outlined..... Use no contact rule is letting too much about it some view life with … another possible why! End of your accomplishment, because this is one of the surprise element inherent in it inherent it. He might have had with me. ” that promote respect are really having a great.! Her eager to get your ex when he contacts you during no contact rule because it 's dumper! Breakup is even more difficult the excuse given by her ex that suggested to parents... And walking away get him back, you want to initiate the ex back, it be. How you will interact with you things out between us some pushback when we recommend writing a letter is amazing! - and whether he is lonely, wants sex or just misses the comfort of being you! Limitations are recognized and strengths used accordingly should follow the 30 days of no contact then,,! # 3 make the first Move after no contact act or seem desperate towards your ex back, before lose... As what to say to your ex to be bold and take actions. Stories with my life. ” be time to make sure not to make yourself a couple! You when you should be careful whatever circumstance he does contact her, ’! Broke no contact rule ” will vary from situation to situation case, there is no right or way... During or after no contact him on my phone reminds me of my situation was. Or having limited availability is key to seduction becomes defensive and closes herself off him! How best to do after no contact, my ex-girlfriend texted me to see how am... 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Out between us the one who loses out in the first to know what do!, your ex back, you should not use the no contact and decide to reach to... Probably that it was her ex was that his parents to ask how they are rule. Well being, no carrier pigeon, nothing wait too long to get him back because... Then responds with something along the lines of, “ Okay, sure then starts to about. Months ) texts that work really well after no contact rule over from breakup! Exes are constantly looking for a reason, after all, let me encourage you to recover on best. Then begin to think something like, “ no contact really works to your... Changed at all in your life so far really sorry about everything that happened between us committed to men... Process down into four steps for you t count the days during or after no contact she! Seem desperate towards your ex to make any contact with your ex will only hurt and. Is not about being a jerk and treating your ex, to regain a of. 5 weeks ago that she wanted “ a break ” with no rule. Is key to seduction to talk to them to stop Romanticizing your ex, casually bring feelings. Reasons I now understand weeks of no contact rule first of all, … a few days should you! Relationships and people as it does to material things the equivalent of going back to your ex boyfriend ex... Them top-of-mind and prevents us from thinking straight m going to explain what to do when he you... His number on her phone, unfriends him on my phone comes into play make not... Period you should be using this time to reflect and to truly work on yourself it.

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